Unfathomable...

This video left me speechless. Thank G-d I live in a state where the highest building is 24 floors. Seriously, the highest building in Montana is 24 floors.

Anywhoo, please view the attached clip and remember to bring the following with you the next time you travel in an elevator: cell phone, Immodium A-D, deck of playing cards, carton of cigarettes, canteen, 5-6 magazines, and a paperback book.

A whole new meaning to, "Please approach the bench."

Welcome to a new feature on Henry's: News from the Montana. As a resident of the last, best place, I think I would be dis-servicing faithful readers by not availing them of news west of the Mississippi, especially news as ridiculous as this:

You ever wonder what judges wear under their robes? I try not to, especially after reading this story: Judge accused of seeking favors.

Chapter 4...

We here at Henry Village are feeling rather nostalgic for some comfort that made us happy as kids… There is not much that can top this:

What to do with Matzah

My mom sent this to me yesterday, and the idea of posting something my mom emailed is one I would usually not do with zeal. I don't think this blog is the place to post pictures of my niece eating my dad's shoe while on the toilet. However, this was too good not to pass on:



What would you do with Matzah? I think I would act like a shark in the bathtub.

Hello? Hello?

My reputation has proceeded me. I would like to extend a heartfelt thanks to Henry for inviting me to share my arbitrary and capricious musings on the world at large. Seeing as how we have never met, I am pleased that Henry thinks highly enough of me to invite participation in this venture.

Hi, my name is Dan.

I am a cousin-in-law of editor-in-chief of this blog. Nepotism applied.

I live in Billings, Montana. Yes, I live in Montana. I hail originally from a small place named Exton, PA. It was a good place to grow up. However, not good enough it seems as I have escaped 2,200 miles away. I am glad to add a Montana perspective to this east coast-centric operation. Red Sox fans are obnoxious enough, yet they see fit to blog non-stop about their inane fandom. Nobody cares if Kevin Youklis's OPS is 3 points lower in April 2008 than it was for away night games played in domes in April 2006. Red Sox fans do.

That's why I am here. To counter-balance what is sure to be items I disagree with on principle.

More to come.

BIG ANNOUCEMENT!

Hey kids,

Big announcement today... We here at HMNL&P (perhaps soon to be renamed) have added a new writer. Writer X is yet to be named on ye' old blog... but look soon for entries from our friend in the NW!

Welcome... we're glad to have ya!

***One more funny for the day.....

Chapter 3....

We're all pressed for time today.. So enjoy the following clips until we're able to post...

Chapter 2...

Spring really is such a great time in the Northeast... The sky is blue, the plants and trees are blooming, and the news is packed full of juicy nuggets to mock the piss out of... Enjoy...


HNM&P: When asked how he felt about the results from the Pennsylvania primary last night.. Mr. Obama was overheard saying... "Why won't she just admit she has a penis?!? Why can't the country see that this she-man is going to murder the economy, not change healthcare, keep our troops abroad, and for G-d's sake SHE HAS A PENIS! It's a man, man!"

HNM&P: After hearing Mr. Obama's statement, Mrs. Clinton had this expression on her face.

Later Mrs. Clinton was heard responding with... "Did I forget to tuck my buldge? This is why Mark Penn should have stuck around.. he always reminded me...."

CNN SAYS: 6-legged kitty named Hex needs surgery

HNM&P SAYS: We just threw up.... That was seriously just wrong...

CNN SAYS: Bear featured in film kills trainer

HNM&P SAYS: What is this world coming to? First a wild tiger kills, and now a bear? Why can't these wild animals that belong in the wild just learn their place... IN ZOO'S performing for children dammit! We can't wait until a celebrity's kid or a politicians wife gets eaten..

CNN SAYS:Group stuck on remote Pacific island

HNM&P SAYS: We thought we loved LOST. Jebus.. these people put us to shame...

HNM&P SAYS: He's F'ing Matt Damon!

DAD OF HENRY NEWS:

Well it’s official.. Lifestyle change is in effect, Gym 5 days a week, Nutrisystem diet, golf lessons, and a good nights sleep more often than not.

Workout today will be 35 minutes of cardio on the elliptical, followed by 75 crunches, and ending off with a solid 5 minutes of rowing at a rate of 33.

DAD OF HENRY SPORTS NEWS:

2008 American League - Standings
EAST

Boston
15-7
Baltimore
11-9
NY Yankees
11-10
Toronto
10-11
Tampa Bay
9-11

This makes us giddy as a schoolgirl!

MOVIE NEWS:

These films will be critiqued later this week:
1.Charlie Wilson’s War
2.Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead.

That's all we have for this morning. Have a good morning all...

Chapter 1.

So yes, we caved. It was just too much to handle. There is so much going on in the world that we have to talk about it. OK, so it might just be our world, but it’s still worth writing about no?

So lets see, we have some US news, we have some Henry news, we have some DAD OF HENRY news, we have some LOST news, and that should do it for today.

US NEWS:

CNN Says: Clinton: 'I have to win'

HMN&P Says: A source overheard Mrs. Clinton saying: "That's right sucka...Mama wants to get a little something, something under the desk in the oval office too! And yes... my member is bigger than Bill's...And yes, it will be Monica Lewinsky"

CNN Says: Scientists: Smog contributes to premature death

HMN&P Says: Wait what?!?!? You're kidding! That dark black clowd over L.A., New York, Houston (well no-one cares about Texas...) and most of China is bad for people?

CNN Says: 911 call: "There's an alligator in my kitchen!"

HMN&P Says: Dispatcher was heard replying: "No... I think you mean you're calling from Georgia... not Florida... because no other state bodes retards that want to cuddle with the pretty alligator.."

HENRY NEWS:

In just 6 short weeks Mr. Henry Gordon will be having his bris...

When asked for comment... Henry only had this look on his face...

That's right little man... You better worry!!!!

LOST News:

If you want to read some great spoilers and see 3 clips from Thursday nights episode titled : “The Shape Of Things To Come” – Click here.

DAD OF HENRY NEWS:

Dad of Henry wants to be the bigget loser... He's hitting the gym hard and working like there's a low fat snack at the end of the tunnel.

Probably not our best entry of all time, but cut us some slack.. we're going to ease our way back into things...

We're back people...

Expect an entry within a couple of hours..